Is fear holding you or your business back?
Is the fear bubble holding you back?
Last week I went off-piste skiing in the backcountry of The Lesser Caucasus, also called Caucasus Minor in Georgia. I was with a nice little group – all experienced skiers.
Although I am a skilled skier, I could still feel the fear bubble sneaking up on me a couple of times. At one point we got lost and had to take off our skies to go though some dense forest at the bottom of a valley. Although I have been in similar situations before, I couldn’t help thinking “what if…”.
What if; we will have to go on like this for the next couple of hours – then I will freeze my b… off. What if; we need to go down a steep couloir – then I will properly lose my skies.
Or what if; the other skiers discover that I cannot really ski – then they will see through me…
Funnily enough, none of the worst-case scenario happened. But the experience and feelings of what might happen in the future was real.
Fear is a feeling we get about something that hasn’t happened. When we’re faced with problems or stressful situations, our minds have a way of going straight to the worst-case scenario, and that fear can prevent us from moving forward.
Looking back at my professional career, it seems clear to me that whenever I have been faced with tough decisions, the fear bubble has tried to distract me. Fear of what others might think kept me in the rat race for too long. Fear of conflict made me work with bad managers and customers for too long. Fear of not being good enough made me stressed before big presentations. And so, the list continues…
It’s time to recognize when the fear bubble is sneaking up on you – acknowledge it and let it go. While I’m still guilty of letting fear drive my decision-making from time to time, I’ve gotten a lot better with practice. I’ve learned to recognize when my fear is warranted and when it’s just a false narrative.
Lets’ look at some of the main fear bubbles that I have experienced.
1. The fear of failure
Fear of failure is the intense worry you experience when you imagine all the horrible things that could happen if you failed to achieve a goal. But as humans we are bound to fail to learn what works and what doesn’t. An Australian nurse who published, “The Five Regrets of The Dying” found this fear leads to be the biggest regret of your life. As she said, “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled”.
How I overcame this fear: When I started to define the absolute worst-case scenario that could possibly happened, I discovered that even the worst thing that could possibly happen wasn’t as bad as you might imagine. And even more comforting, it practically never goes as bad as you fear.
2. Fear of saying “no”
It’s tempting to take every project and every job and pursue every lead that comes your way. And when you’re just getting your business off the ground, any amount of income is a good thing. But there comes a time when you’re going to need to say “no” to some things. If you continue to stretch yourself too thin and take on too much, you won’t do any of it well.
How I overcame this fear: To be honest, I am still working on this one. It’s just so easy to say yes, and so god damn hard to say no. However, when I have had the gut to say no, it just feels right, and I have never regretted saying “no”.
3. Fear of not making enough money
Numerous people live in constant fear of not having or making enough money, aka fear of financial insecurity. They stay up at night thinking about it. The best way to overcome this is to stop comparing yourself with others and assess what really matters to you. In this way you can prioritize what is “need-to-have” and what is “nice-to-have”. And make your financial decisions support what you really want in life.
How I overcame this fear: When I started to reflect on what really mattered to me, and how I was going to realize this, I discovered that time is truly the most scare resource we have on our hands – not money. What you choose to do with your time is up to you but be careful not to waste it in pursuit of making money.
4. The fear of not being good enough
Before I started my own business, there was a voice in my head telling me no one would take me seriously if they knew what I was really like. Self-doubt can be a mountain to overcome. We know our flaws and our shortcomings better than anyone. Sometimes a dark fear lingers in the back of our minds: “What if I’m not good enough?”
How I overcame this fear: Everyone feels inadequate, insecure and unworthy. It’s how we deal with these feelings that determines how far we can go professionally. As soon as I came to the revelation that not being good enough is everyone’s problem, the fear diminished.
5. The fear of suffering
Humans will take great efforts to avoid pain and suffering. However, mostly the fear of suffering is often disproportionately greater than the actual suffering it-self. In order to truly embrace discomfort and suffering we must first do the one thing that every fiber of our being will probably try to tell us is absurd or maybe even dangerous… stop judging pain as “wrong” or “bad.” Accept that what will happen will happen and embrace the suffering. It’s part of life.
How I overcame this fear: I have learned to accept that not everything is within my control. I try to control the controllable and not worry about everything else. And yes, sometimes life requires hard work and suffering. But that’s part of life. Be consistent. Every day.
Over the years as I have worked as a management consultant and most lately as a business coach, fears have hurt me and my company.
While I’m still guilty of letting fear drive my decision-making from time to time, I’ve gotten a lot better over the years. I have learned – the hard way – that the fear bubble will take totally control if you let it. However, if you recognize it for what it is then you will get the upper hand.
When you feel fear simply pause for a moment and remind you that what you feel is not real. Acknowledge what you feel and be curious about why you might feel the way you do. Observe what your mind and body is telling you, but don’t let the fear bubble run your decisions.
“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
If you’re going to succeed at the highest level, you’ve got to face your fears. Dance with it, but make sure you are in the lead.